Living Life to the Fullest

What do you love so much that it moves you to the point of tears?

That was the topic of the most recent video blog I viewed and the answer for me was instantaneous. It is my children’s lives. I’ve actually been in that place before, when you feel so much love, in the pit of your stomach, that it brings tears to your eyes.

I’ve sat rocking my babies, holding their tiny little bodies in the wee morning hours and had tears streaming down my face thinking of their life and the magic that created it. I was so happy holding them in my arms, yet I feared the day they would be too big to hold. And I cried just thinking of the day they would leave for college. I know what you’re thinking. I’m crazy! How could I possibly be thinking of something that is almost 2 decades away! But, I did.  And I still do.

So then the real question is…do those things that make us feel so much love…ironically, come with a sadness that is a characteristic of the joy. How is it, that something that makes us so undeniably happy, can also infringe on us the slightest twinge of sadness?

As my kids call me out on it, I “happy cry” quite often in our home.  Interesting.  A happy-cry.  An oxymoron in itself. And that’s exactly what it is for me. I’m so happy I cry. Yet, I’m partially sad because deep down I know it is fleeting. Some people think of the “fleeting-ness” when they are happy. I’ve also learned, that some do not. My husband is that very person.  My husband doesn’t understand it, and thinks I don’t spend enough time living in the moment, but for me, it’s almost as if I need to feel the sadness or “possible ending” to understand the depth of the moment.

I’m the one who happy-cries when another school year ends.

I’m the one who dreads the last day of our vacation while we are only on our first.

I’m the one who worries if my 15 year old son will still hug and kiss me, even though he’s only 6 years old right now.

I’m also the one who was a little scared of losing the love of my life, even when I was falling in love with him and him with me.

And so it goes. I’m not sure I’ll ever change…but I am sure my life will always consist of mystifying happy-cries. And they really are happy.

I hope you enjoy this video snippet. I feel it encapsulates the happy cry. I hope it moves you like it did for me. And if it brings you to tears…enjoy the happy cry it may bring. 🙂 It will likely help you to live in the moment more in your own special way.

Here it is: Shots of Awe-Existential Bummer

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kristin@kristinmilitophotography.com